Little people, big opinions – why participation matters even at nursery age
Children have opinions. Even when they are still small. Even when they cannot always put their thoughts into words. And even when their decisions sometimes seem impractical, erratic or surprising from an adult’s perspective.
Participation means taking children seriously. Listening to them. Involving them in decisions that affect their lives. And showing them: your voice matters.
This is particularly important at nursery age. Because during this time, children are not only learning to find their feet in a group. They are also developing a sense of who they are, what they need and how they can live together with other people. Participation is therefore far more than just an educational buzzword. It is a key building block for self-confidence, social skills and democratic coexistence.
But what does participation actually mean in everyday life with young children? How much say is appropriate? And where do children need clear boundaries and guidance?
What does participation mean for children of nursery age?
Participation does not mean that children are allowed to decide everything. Nor does it mean that adults relinquish their responsibility. Rather, it is about involving children in a way that is appropriate for their age.
At nursery age, participation can take many different forms. Children can have a say in which game they want to play, whether they prefer to be active indoors or outdoors, which book is read aloud, or which rules are important within the group. They can say if they don’t like something. They can make suggestions, ask questions and contribute their own ideas.
It is not always about big decisions. Often, it is small everyday situations in which children experience a sense of self-efficacy: “I get to choose who I play with,” “I can say when I need a break,” “My idea is heard,” or “I get to have a say in how we arrange the group room.”
To adults, these moments may seem small. To children, they are significant. Because they learn: I am not just part of a group – I can help shape it.
Why participation is so important
Children do not only begin to grow into society when they start school. They are part of it right from the start. They experience rules, relationships, conflicts, decisions and responsibility. In nursery, all of this happens every day.
When children are involved from an early age, they learn to recognise and express their own needs. They realise that their opinion matters, but also that other people have wishes and boundaries too. This is precisely where social learning begins.
Participation empowers children in several ways:
- It boosts self-confidence because children experience that their thoughts and feelings are taken seriously. A child who is asked what they want or need finds it easier to develop a sense of their own point of view.
- It boosts language development because children learn to express their opinions, ask questions and discuss decisions. It is not about every child providing full explanations straight away. Even a shake of the head, a gesture, a short sentence or a picture can be an expression of participation.
- It supports emotional development because children realise: I am allowed to have feelings. I am allowed to say no. I’m allowed to feel unsure. I’m allowed to want something. At the same time, I learn that not every wish is granted straight away.
- And participation fosters democratic thinking. Children experience that there are different opinions. That you can vote, find compromises and show consideration. That rules don’t simply have to come ‘from above’, but can be understood and shaped together.
Young children are capable of more than we give them credit for
Adults often underestimate children. Not out of malice, but because everyday life moves quickly. Because decisions need to be made efficiently. Because it seems easier to dictate things rather than discuss them together.
Of course, there are situations where adults have to make the decisions. No child gets a say on whether to wear a seatbelt in the car or whether to stop at a red light. Safety, health and protection are non-negotiable.
But many other decisions are open to discussion – or at least can be shaped. Does the child have to wear the blue jacket, or can they choose the green one? Does tidying up have to start right now, or can there be a brief warning? Does every child have to take part in the craft activity, or can they choose a different game? Does a child have to say ‘sorry’ when they haven’t even understood what happened yet – or do they first need guidance to understand the conflict?
Participation begins when adults pause and ask themselves: Do I have to decide this right now – or can the child be involved? This question changes a great deal. It creates space for dialogue. And it shows children: I am being seen.
Participation requires a relationship
For children to be able to participate, they need trust. They must feel that their opinion is welcome. That they will not be laughed at, belittled or ignored. That a ‘no’ is heard too.
Younger children in particular do not always express themselves clearly. Sometimes they do not say directly what they want. They react by withdrawing, getting angry, crying or refusing. That, too, can be a form of communication.
A child who doesn’t want to go to the group in the morning isn’t automatically being ‘stubborn’. Perhaps they need a gentler transition. Perhaps they’d like to stay with their carer for a little while longer. Perhaps there was a conflict the day before. Perhaps they’re tired or feeling overwhelmed.
Participation means looking beyond the behaviour. Not judging every reaction immediately, but asking: What is this child trying to tell me right now? For this, children need adults who are attentive. Who listen. Who ask questions. Who can accept that children have a different perspective.
Participation in everyday life: where children can be involved
Participation cannot be reduced to a single project. It manifests itself in everyday life – time and again, in many small moments. In nursery, for example, this might mean that children have a say in the daily routine. Which songs will be sung in the morning circle? What topic is the group interested in right now? Should the walk be to the playground or to the park? What materials do the children want to use for building, painting or exploring?
Children can also be involved in setting rules. Instead of simply laying down rules, early years staff can discuss with the children: What do we need to ensure everyone feels comfortable? What helps us when we play together? What do we do when there’s a disagreement? Children understand rules better when they can grasp the reasoning behind them. A rule developed together, such as “We listen when someone is speaking”, has a different effect to a simple “Be quiet”. Because it makes it clear what it’s all about: respect, attention and getting along.
Participation can also be practised at mealtimes. Children can decide what and how much they’d like to try. They can help set the table, name dishes, express their preferences and learn to listen to their bodies. Of course, adults ensure that meals are balanced and that a positive atmosphere is created. But children should be allowed to experience: my hunger, my taste and my sense of fullness are important.
Another area is personal hygiene. Participation is particularly sensitive in this area. Children should learn that their bodies belong to them. When changing nappies, getting dressed, blowing their nose or washing their hands, adults can explain what they are doing, ask for consent and allow the child to do as much as possible themselves. This not only boosts independence but also fosters an important sense of body awareness.
Participation also means: being allowed to say no
A key aspect of participation is the right to say no. That sounds obvious – but in everyday life it can sometimes be challenging. Children need to learn to respect other people’s boundaries. To do so, they must first experience their own boundaries being respected. If a child doesn’t want to sit on your lap, doesn’t want to be hugged or doesn’t want to join in a game, that ‘no’ should be taken seriously.
This does not mean that every ‘no’ automatically puts an end to everything. If a child says, ‘I don’t want to brush my teeth’, oral hygiene remains important nonetheless. But the process can be made more participatory: Which toothbrush would you like to use? Shall we brush the top or bottom first? Would you like to start yourself and I’ll finish off? Shall I sing a song while we do it? In this way, the adult’s responsibility remains, whilst the child can have a say within the framework.
Participation therefore requires a good balance: children are allowed to have a say, but they are not overwhelmed with responsibility. Adults set the safe framework. Within this framework, choices arise.
Boundaries provide security
Participation is sometimes misunderstood. It can then sound as though children should have the final say on everything. However, that would not be genuine participation, but rather an unreasonable burden. Children need boundaries. They need adults to provide guidance, explain decisions and take responsibility. A nursery-age child cannot decide on their own how much sleep they need, whether to take medication, or whether to go outside without a jacket when the temperature is below freezing. They need adults who ensure their safety and care for them.
This is precisely why participation is so valuable. Because it does not mean boundlessness, but clear boundaries. A participatory statement might be: “We’re going outside now. You need a jacket because it’s cold. You can decide whether you want to wear the blue one or the red one.” Or: “We’re going to tidy up now so that nobody trips over the building blocks. You can decide whether you want to start with the building blocks or the animals.” The child realises: the boundary is clear. At the same time, I have a choice. I am involved, even if not everything is negotiable.
What children learn through participation
A child who takes part in a morning circle to decide which book to read experiences majority decisions. They may also realise: my choice doesn’t always win. That can be disappointing. But it is an important experience. Because participation doesn’t mean always getting your own way. It means being part of a shared process.
Children also learn to find compromises. If two children want the same toy, they can discuss it together: Who plays first? Can we take turns? Is there another solution? Do we need a sand timer?
Situations like these can sometimes be exhausting. They take time and patience. But they are valuable learning moments. Children practise resolving conflicts not just through power or shouting, but through language, listening and negotiation.
Participation also takes the pressure off adults
At first glance, participation seems to take more time. And yes: involvement sometimes requires patience. It takes longer to let a child choose than to make a quick decision yourself. It is more time-consuming to discuss rules together than simply to lay them down.
In the long term, however, participation can make life easier. This is because children who feel taken seriously often cooperate more readily. They understand decisions better when they have been involved. They develop greater independence and are more likely to take responsibility for shared activities.
Conflicts can change too. Not because there are no longer any conflicts, but because children increasingly have the tools to deal with them. They can say what is bothering them. They can seek help. They can suggest solutions.
For childcare professionals and parents, this means that participation is not an extra task on top of everyday life. It is an attitude that shapes everyday life.
Participation at home: what parents can do
There are also many opportunities to involve children in everyday family life. Parents don’t need to reinvent the wheel to do this. Often, it is enough to listen more attentively and create small opportunities for them to make decisions.
Children can have a say in which book is read in the evening, which fruit goes in their lunchbox, or whether they put on their shoes or their jacket first. They can help with cooking, set the table, discuss family rules or think about what to do at the weekend.
It is important that the choices remain manageable. Younger children in particular can feel overwhelmed if they have too many options. Instead of “What do you want to wear?”, it often helps to ask: “Do you want the red or the green jumper?” Instead of “What shall we do today?”, the question could be: “Shall we go to the playground or go for a walk?” This way, children experience genuine involvement without being left to their own devices.
At the same time, parents should remain honest. Not every situation allows for lengthy discussions. In the mornings, when everyone needs to be on time, clear routines are sometimes necessary. That’s fine too. Participation doesn’t mean making every moment perfect. It’s about a fundamental attitude: I take my child seriously. I explain my decisions. I allow them to have a say where possible.
When children don’t want to have a say
Not every child expresses an opinion straight away. Some children are cautious, shy or insecure. Others may have found that their opinion counts for little and need to build trust first.
That, too, is part of participation: children are allowed to take part, but they don’t have to do so at the drop of a hat. Participation needs to be voluntary. A child who doesn’t want to vote is allowed to watch. A child who doesn’t want to speak can point, draw or say something later.
Adults can make participation easier by allowing different forms of expression. Not every child formulates their opinion in full sentences. Some point to a picture, stand next to an option, nod, shake their head or choose using symbols.
Participation therefore also means looking closely: how does this child communicate? What do they need to feel confident enough?
An approach that empowers children
Participation in early childhood is not a luxury. It is an essential part of good care. Children who learn at an early age that their opinions matter develop confidence in themselves and in others. They learn that they can make a difference. And they discover that community does not simply mean conforming, but finding solutions together.
This is not about turning children into little adults. Children are allowed to remain children. They are allowed to play, experiment, make mistakes, get angry, change their minds and need support. Participation means taking them seriously in precisely these matters.
Little people have big opinions. Sometimes loud, sometimes quiet. Sometimes clear, sometimes hidden. Our job as adults is to listen. Because showing children early on that their voice counts empowers them far beyond nursery school.
Lunch & Learn for our clients’ staff
Viva FamilienService is offering a Lunch & Learn session for our clients’ staff on this very topic: “Taking Children Seriously – How to Make Participation and Decision-Making Count”. The session focuses on how children can be listened to and involved in an age-appropriate way, without blurring boundaries or making decisions a burden. Alongside practical ideas for child-friendly co-determination, the focus is also on guidance, support and respectful interaction.