Recognising and promoting giftedness in children – with understanding, patience and heart

How can parents recognise whether their child is gifted? And what does this actually mean in everyday life? Many mothers and fathers ask themselves these questions – often not because their child is supposed to be ‘special’, but because they don’t know how to deal with certain behaviours in everyday family or school life. The suspicion of giftedness often arises when a child is ‘out of the ordinary’ – be it through exceptional performance, boredom at school or emotional overload. In this article, we explain the basics of giftedness, show typical characteristics and give everyday tips for support – without pressure, but with a lot of confidence.

What does giftedness actually mean?

In the professional world, giftedness is usually defined by the intelligence quotient (IQ). Experts speak of giftedness from an IQ of around 130. However, giftedness is more than just a test result. It often manifests itself in very different ways – intellectually, creatively, socially or emotionally.

A child who recognises complex relationships early on, finds original solutions or spends hours on a favourite subject may be gifted – even if they struggle at school. Conversely, not all children with good grades are automatically gifted.

The diversity of talents and personalities makes it so important not to make hasty judgements, but to recognise that each child is unique.

Recognising giftedness: Understanding early signs

Many parents have a gut feeling that their child is somehow ‘different’ – often long before anyone utters the word ‘gifted’. Typical observations at toddler and preschool age can include

• A very early vocabulary or unusually complex expressions
• A high level of memorisation and a conspicuous interest in numbers, letters or logical connections
• Intense questions about the ‘why’ – often with philosophical depth
• A pronounced independence, combined with high sensitivity
• A desire to communicate with older children or adults

It is important to note that these characteristics can be indicators, but do not necessarily point to giftedness. Developmental fluctuations or differences in temperament can also convey similar impressions. A differentiated assessment is therefore sensible – and in many cases can provide relief.

If the child ‘doesn’t fit into the system’

Many parents become particularly aware of this at primary school age. Some gifted children are underchallenged, seem bored or even develop behavioural problems. Others adapt and ‘fly under the radar’ – which can also be problematic because their special needs go unrecognised.

Teachers sometimes experience such children as ‘exhausting’ because they constantly ask questions, question authority or do not fit into the prescribed structures. However, there is often no resistance behind this, but rather an irrepressible urge for understanding and meaning.

Some children appear to be exceptionally well developed in certain areas, while showing great difficulties in others – such as reading, writing or social interaction. Giftedness does not rule out learning disorders. On the contrary: they can overlap and mask each other.

Note: You can find out more about learning difficulties and how parents can deal with them in our article ‘Recognising and supporting learning difficulties’.

If parents have the impression that their child does not feel comfortable in everyday school life or regularly seems frustrated, it is worth having a confidential dialogue with the class teacher or school social worker. Often, small changes in the learning environment can have a big impact – for example through individualised tasks, open forms of learning or access to additional materials.

Diagnostics: Do I need to have my child tested?

The decision in favour of giftedness diagnostics is very individual. If a child is suffering emotionally, is not coping at school or parents are very insecure, a test can provide clarity. It is important that such a diagnostic test not only looks at the IQ, but also takes into account the child’s social and emotional experience.

Good places to go are

• School psychological services
• Child and adolescent psychologists with experience in the field of giftedness
• Gifted centres or advice centres for parents

A test should always be embedded in a respectful discussion with the child and parents. The aim is not to assign a ‘label’, but to better understand needs.

Promotion without excessive demands

Giftedness is not a performance label – and it is not a competition. Rather, it is about a child feeling understood in their specialness and being allowed to develop. This can mean

• Taking interests seriously, even if they seem ‘nerdy’
• Leaving room for independent thinking – even if this means that parents don’t always have the answers straight away
• Creating opportunities that broaden horizons: Books, experiments, talks, workshops or digital learning platforms
• Encourage creativity and imagination without overloading everything with deadlines

It is helpful to stay in contact with educational professionals – in daycare centres, schools or after-school care centres. Many institutions are now sensitised to the topic of giftedness and offer differentiated learning opportunities.

Emotional challenges: Taking sensitivity seriously

Gifted children are often not only cognitively highly developed, but also particularly sensitive. They experience injustice more intensely, ask moral questions earlier or react more strongly to stress.

This emotional depth is not a ‘problem’, but an essential part of their personality. Nevertheless, many of these children need support in dealing with their feelings – for example with social insecurity, perfectionism or anxiety.

Parents can help by:

• Naming feelings and taking them seriously
• Being a role model in dealing with challenges
• Slow down from time to time – a gifted child can remain a ‘child’

Some families also benefit from psychological counselling or parent coaching to gain confidence in dealing with challenging situations.

Is my child only ‘enough’ if he or she is gifted?

After a test or counselling session, some parents are disappointed and ask themselves: Is that it? Is my child not gifted enough to be ‘gifted’? This is often based on the concern that the child might be missing out on something – or that they are not ‘special’ enough.

Yet giftedness manifests itself in so many ways: creatively, socially, emotionally, in craftsmanship, musically or through a pronounced empathy. Not every talent can be measured in an IQ test – and not every development is early and straightforward.

Instead of thinking in terms of ‘gifted’ or ‘not gifted’, it helps to change your perspective: What does my child need to feel comfortable, remain curious and develop their strengths? This is exactly where good counselling comes in – regardless of test results.

If you as a parent are unsure or would like support: Employees of companies that cooperate with the Viva Family Service can take advantage of our free and confidential counselling. We will help you to find the right path for your child – individualised, suitable for everyday life and without pigeonholing.

Conclusion: Recognising giftedness means seeing the child

Whether a child is gifted or not, it is crucial that they feel seen, understood and supported. The diagnosis can be a door opener, but it is not an end in itself. What children really need are reliable relationships, genuine interest and the freedom to go their own way.

As parents, you are not experts in giftedness – but you are the best experts for your child. Trust this knowledge. And get support if you feel you are not getting anywhere. The journey is worth it – for you and your child.